Do You Suffer from FOPO?
❓ We all know someone with FOMO, but what about FOPO?
The term FOPO (Fear of Other People’s Opinions) was a new one to me until a recent Harvard Business Review article caught my eye. Michael Gervais, a performance psychologist, based “Free Your People from the Need for Social Approval” on an upcoming book he wrote with Kevin Lake, The First Rule of Mastery: Stop Worrying about What Other People Think of You.
FOPO is an anxious state of fear wherein “concern for what others think is an irrational, unproductive, and unhealthy obsession.” This fear surpasses a healthy interest in feedback from others when it inhibits performance, risk taking, or otherwise speaking and acting freely and appropriately. While human beings are sensitive to being excluded from groups and work to preserve their group identity, being overly concerned with other people’s opinions yields control of our lives to others.
Do you recognize any of these behaviors in yourself?
❌To please “everyone” when dealing with difficult topics, you offer platitudes over substance
❌Obsess over feedback, real and imagined, to ascertain what people “really think” about you
❌ Formulate your response with an intent to impress instead of actively listening
❌Laugh at jokes because others are laughing, even if the joke is inappropriate in the setting
❌Stifle authenticity to assure acceptance
These behaviors could be signs of FOPO and/or an unhealthy environment where participants are punished for opinions or behaviors that deviate from the norm, the boss, or other dominant members of the group.
The author connects FOMO to a performance-based identity and suggests that one way to combat the condition is to foster a purpose-based identity instead. Those of us who define our identify by performance relative to others tend to exhibit: (1) a contingent self-worth, (2) fear of failure and (3) perfectionism. In contrast, a purpose-based identity relies on an internal, intrinsic sense of what has value to us, but is also bigger than us. According to the article, studies show that teams that operate with a sense of purpose tend to outperform those that focus on performance alone.
💡 As leaders we are called to challenge our own beliefs and to foster a team culture that allows the individuals and team to perform at their best. Ask yourself: do you have FOPO and how might it be impacting your leadership? Are you creating an environment that encourages FOPO in others?
As a Leadership and Career Transition coach, I work with clients on many facets of this topic:
✅ Explore how a performance-based identity might be limiting us as individuals and leaders
✅ Define and exhibit a leadership purpose
✅ Instill a purpose-driven team mentality and assure psychological safety
✅ Encourage a purpose-driven identity for individuals on the team
If these challenges interest you and you want to talk more, connect with me here or at [email protected].